Meeting the person away from the problem
Meeting the person away from the problem
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Short definition
Meeting the person away from the problem is the practice of deliberately getting to know a person's life, skills, interests, relationships and values separately from any conversation about the problem that brought them to therapy.
Level
Expanded definition
Narrative Therapy assumes that a person is never fully described by a problem. Yet by the time someone reaches therapy, the Problem-saturated story has often become the main account available — professionals, referrers and sometimes the family itself may only know the person through the problem.
Meeting the person away from the problem deliberately interrupts this. Early in the work — often in the first meeting — the therapist spends unhurried time learning about the person's life beyond the difficulty: what they enjoy, what they are good at, who matters to them, what they care about, and how they would like to be known.
This is not small talk before the "real work" begins. It is itself a narrative intervention: it establishes from the outset that the person and the problem are not the same thing, laying the experiential ground for Externalising before any externalising language is used. It also gives the therapist material — values, skills, relationships — that later supports Unique outcomes, Re-authoring and Thickening the plot.
Purpose of this method
The purpose of this method is to establish a relationship with the person, rather than with the problem — so that the problem, when it is discussed, is discussed against the backdrop of a fuller life rather than filling the whole picture.
When to use this method
Use this method when:
- beginning work with any new person or family, especially where the referral is heavily problem-saturated
- a person seems to have become entirely identified with the problem, by themselves or by others
- preparing the ground for externalising conversations
- the conversation has become so problem-focused that the person's wider life has disappeared from view
How this method works
The therapist asks about the person's life as if the problem did not exist for a while — interests, abilities, relationships, hopes, daily pleasures, history — and listens with genuine curiosity, letting this account develop enough detail to stand on its own.
The material gathered is remembered and returned to later: the values and skills discovered here often become the first threads of an alternative story.
Non-clinical example
A new manager inheriting a team member described by others as "a problem employee" deliberately spends their first one-to-one learning about the person's actual skills, interests and history in the organisation — building their own picture before the inherited description takes over.
Clinical example
A young person arrives with a referral describing school refusal, anxiety and family conflict. Before discussing any of it, the therapist spends time learning that the young person cares for two dogs, is trusted by younger cousins, draws well, and is loyal to a small group of friends. When the problem is eventually discussed, it is now a problem in the life of this person — not the whole of who they are.
Step-by-step process
- Begin the meeting with genuine interest in the person's life beyond the problem.
- Ask about interests, skills, relationships, values and daily life.
- Let this account develop real detail — do not rush towards the problem.
- Notice values, abilities and relationships that may support later story development.
- When the problem enters the conversation, hold it against this fuller backdrop.
- Return to this material later in the work, when unique outcomes and preferred stories emerge.
Questions before using this method
- What do I know about this person that is not about the problem?
- Has the referral given me only a problem-saturated account?
Questions during use
- Am I genuinely curious about this person's life, or waiting to get to the problem?
- What values, skills and relationships are becoming visible?
Questions after use
- Could I describe this person richly without mentioning the problem?
- What material from this conversation might support later re-authoring work?
Related epistemologies
Narrative epistemology Social constructionism
Related schools and models
Related concepts
Externalising Problem-saturated story Unique outcomes Narrative identity Preferred story
Related methods
Externalising conversation Re-authoring conversations Unique outcome development
Related techniques
Externalising questions Unique outcome questions
Related pathways
Key theorists / contributors
Key texts / references
- Morgan, A. (2000). What Is Narrative Therapy? An Easy-to-Read Introduction. Dulwich Centre Publications.
- White, M. (2007). Maps of Narrative Practice. Norton.
Notes / source material
This practice is sometimes described in narrative training as "getting acquainted with the person away from the problem." Its effect depends on the curiosity being genuine — used as a technique to get through before the real agenda, it loses exactly the quality that makes it work.
Review status
Status: Open for review
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